Simple Review - The Hex

Daniel Mullins sent The Hex into the world in a subtle plan to hypnotize the world into playing only good games. Insidious!

A hu-man such as myself walks into a bar. I walk up to the bar and ask if we are all inside of a Matrix-like construct where our mental and physical actions all feed back learning into a super computer that is currently playing another super computer in chess across space and time to where the winner will be decided at who can win across five boards in the fewest moves while sacrificing the most human, bio-organic energy.

The bartender looks back at me blankly.

This well-done joke has been my introduction to The Hex.​

Daniel Mullens may want to patent condoms for hu-man ears before he impregnates too many people with mind babies. Pony Island was naughty. The Hex is naughtier, breaking through an already high bar. A bar that serves sarsaparilla with pamphlets explaining what sarsaparilla is.

You are the protagonist that walks into said bar and runs into a full cast of video game tropes in physical form. What unfolds is better than origami - a devilishly simple premise that evolves into a bend of genres and necks. In interest.

Mullens has ingenious-ified the gameplay with simplicity. Through two real controls - move and your keyboard’s Twix bar - you have a platformer, a shooter, an RPG, and more at your hand tentacles. Everything is stiff and lacks extravagant animation to a charming degree.

It reminds me of myself.

That would be me.

Stiff and available.

The graphics have creativity, which is a gentle rain of maple syrup over my nude body. Don’t give me the horse that is bulging with muscle. For this race, I just want to one that looks the most... fabu-horse...horse-ulous...pony-fabulous.

Pony Island - do you see? The Hex will always bring us full circle.

Moving on, the game is too long by a hair. One section becomes sandpaper for about half-an-hour, a forgivable offense. What concludes is worth several half-an-hours that I have spent making sure I understand the plot online. I have understood the full hexagon of The Hex, and have found it delightful.

These are games that are unlike other games. Their game-ness tends to surpass the experience, the price tag, the ESRB rating, and even the invention of electricity. All senses melt until there is only intrigue and slight fatigue from playing until four in the morning. The American Dollar has no finer use than to pour into the pockets of Daniel Mullens in exchange for whatever-the-hex The Hex really is.

I give The Hex a pentagon out of a hexagon. Now, I must leave this bar before they discover my ID is a fake.

You...are welcome.